a/k

Smile! God Hates You!

One of my friends came up with this phenomenal tract fashioned after those paper things many Christians got on the habit of passing out sometime in the 20th century. Pretty brilliant work for a high-school kid, I'd say. Any Indesign/Photoshop geniuses out there want to mockup an actual tract with flames and the usual?

Without further ado...

SMILE! GOD HATES YOU!

Luckily, through His son Jesus, we can trick him into liking us. (thereby defeating our invisible adversary).... Adulterers, democrats, murderers, homosexuals, Catholics: do you know what these “people” have in common? That’s right: God hates them. He hates them with the wrath of a thousand suns. And His mercy will not last forever. 9/11, hurricane Katrina, AIDS, and of course, illegal immigration are all signs that our time is running out and God will soon pour out his wrath upon this evil nation of fags, abortion, and interracial marriage. Are you a sinner? Well are you breathing? The answer to both questions is an obvious “yes”. And where do sinners go? Hell, of course! But it doesn’t have to be that way for you! Thanks to Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross, God’s unquenchable blood lust can be fulfilled and we can live a life of peace, forgiveness, and smug superiority. By accepting Jesus’ gift of salvation, you can be saved from the fires of hell and live knowing that you no longer need grace! God will be forced to like you enough to let you into heaven when you die! Just pray:

“Jesus, I am an awful person and God hates me for my awful, disgusting vileness. Please come into my heart so that I can live freely knowing that I am ok.”

Congratulations! Now you won’t have to ask the hard question in life any longer! Prepare to enjoy the wonderful existance of having a disengaged intellect!